Post by kristof on Sept 30, 2015 20:18:14 GMT -5
The scene opens with Kristof asleep on a ratty old Goodwill sofa with a pair of cutoff jean shorts and nothing else. A light blanket is wrapped around his ankle and trails to the floor. The television is on but all that can be made out is the Netflix "Are you still watching?" selection menu. There is a loud knocking on the door and Kristoff, still asleep, rolls to his side, and lets out a loud snore. The knocking continues, louder until Kristoff begins stirring. He sits up and attempts to project a grumble through the door. He stumbles over and opens the door which has a policeman standing outside. He gives a droopy eyed, inquisitive stare to the officer.
Officer: Sorry to bother you sir, I'm here to let you know that there is a situation across the street and we're going to need you to evacuate for your safety for a couple of hours minimum.
Kristof: Guess that's what I get for getting a place within my budget...Can I at least go put a shirt on?
The officer nods and Kristof shambles off to his bedroom. He picks up yesterday's luau shirt and sniffs it. He sighs and chucks it onto his ever growing pile of laundry and pulls a fresh one out of the closet. He puts on a clean pair of black cargo shorts and grabs his wallet and keys.
Officer (from outside): Sir, I don't have all day...
Kristof: Yeah, yeah. I'm coming. You woke me up dude so I'm moving slow.
Back in the main room, Kristof is shambling to the door and stops to grab his Gucci shades. He puts them in his pocket and heads out the door. His hand immediately goes up to cover his eyes while he squints and fumbles with his shades.
Kristof: Jesus...what time is it?
Officer: 9 in the morning sir. This way.
Kristoff: Fuuuu.......
Kristof allows himself to be guided to the police line where some of his neighbors are already standing with nervous looks. He looks around for his cute neighbor but gets disappointed when he realizes that she actually has a job and is probably at it. He hears some of his neighbors muttering about home damages and what actions the police are going to take and what the situation might be.
Kristof: Alright people, come on. McGriddles are on Kristof this morning. I'm never up in time for McDonald's breakfast.
Man: They do it all day now buddy. And no can do. What if something happens to our property?
Kristof: Well hell that's bad news for my waistline. You see all those news vans? They're getting it all on camera so you'll be good if something happens to your Pinto. Come on.
A good portion of the group walks off with Kristof to the nearest Micky D's.
Pinto: Aren't you that guy who got his ass whipped? My son said something about that when we saw you on your porch the other day. You were devouring a box of twinkies...
Kristof: Hey! I had just gotten off a plane from Norway, I got held up at customs, and was having an all around bad day alright?
Pinto looks sideways and mumbles: No need to get defensive....
Kristof: Tell your boy to watch Friday Night Riot next week. I'll be teaming up with Dr. Manhattan and Mardi Gras against the champion and some other scrubs. How old is your boy?
Pinto: Who...?
The group arrives at the Golden Arches and all shuffle in. Kristof does a quick headcount and notes 10 people before walking up to the counter
Kristof: 15 Sausage McGriddles please.
Bathrobe Wearing Woman: I don't eat pork!
Kristof: 15 Sausage McGriddles and an Egg McMuffin please.
Skinny Dude: I'm vegan.
Kristof: Why the hell did you come along then? 15 Sausage McGriddles, an Egg McMuffin, and a coffee for Mr. Svenske (norwegian insult - Swede) over there.
Skinny Dude: That's uncalled for....
Pinto: Anybody else notice the number of McGriddles never went down...?
They all start the walk back to the police line, each with their sandwich in hand. The Skinny Dude is sipping at his hot coffee and Kristof is cheerily swinging his bag with 7 Sausage McGriddles while he walks. When they arrive, the police are leading a rather bruised man out from the house to a squad car while another officer begins taking down the yellow tape. A young woman with a news van notices Kristof and runs over to him with her cameraman right behind him.
Newslady: I didn't think anybody famous lived here. Can we get a few words with you Mr. Rastasson?
Kristof: Only if you buy me dinner.
Newslady: That's how you ask people out?!
Kristof: Okay fine, I'll buy. Sound good?
Newslady: I'll think about it.
She brings the microphone up to her mouth and turns to the camera.
Newslady: Now that the ordeal is over and the armed robber caught, we discovered a minor celebrity was one of the residents affected by the evacuation. Mr. Kristof Rastasson, wrestler for UWR is here with me to give his take on the event.
Kristof: Minor Celebrity? How about we go dutch on the dinner instead? Does Italian sound good?
Newslady: Wings sound better. Mr. Rastasson...What happened during this event?
Kristof: I dunno. I was woken up by that super chill cop over there and then he told me I needed to leave the area. So I did. And then I picked up some sandwiches for my neighbors who also had to leave their homes.
Newslady: I see, well perhaps we'll talk instead about your upcoming event?
Kristof: I'm cool with that.
Newslady: ....
Kristof: ....
Newslady: Well your partner 3rd Kind said that he wasn't going to watch your back. You'd have to take care of yourself. Is that the kind of partner you want to work with?
Kristof: It doesn't matter if I want to or not. Mr. Bossman Bishop said that I'd be teaming with Dr. Manhattan and so that's what's happening. I'm good with watching my back. I'm also going to watch his and Mardi Gras' back while we take it to the champ and his crew the only way I know how...Warrior style.
Newslady: And what about Buddy Love?
Kristof: Mardi Gras? Oh he's way cool. We should get a good dynamic going.
Newslady: Reno Mustang....
Kristof: Isn't important here. Now if you'll excuse me, I was rudely woken up from a rather glorious dream and these sandwiches are rustling around in this bag when they should be rustling around in my stomach. 7:00 good?
The newslady just smiles in a 'okay that just happened' way as Kristof marches off to his house.
Officer: Sorry to bother you sir, I'm here to let you know that there is a situation across the street and we're going to need you to evacuate for your safety for a couple of hours minimum.
Kristof: Guess that's what I get for getting a place within my budget...Can I at least go put a shirt on?
The officer nods and Kristof shambles off to his bedroom. He picks up yesterday's luau shirt and sniffs it. He sighs and chucks it onto his ever growing pile of laundry and pulls a fresh one out of the closet. He puts on a clean pair of black cargo shorts and grabs his wallet and keys.
Officer (from outside): Sir, I don't have all day...
Kristof: Yeah, yeah. I'm coming. You woke me up dude so I'm moving slow.
Back in the main room, Kristof is shambling to the door and stops to grab his Gucci shades. He puts them in his pocket and heads out the door. His hand immediately goes up to cover his eyes while he squints and fumbles with his shades.
Kristof: Jesus...what time is it?
Officer: 9 in the morning sir. This way.
Kristoff: Fuuuu.......
Kristof allows himself to be guided to the police line where some of his neighbors are already standing with nervous looks. He looks around for his cute neighbor but gets disappointed when he realizes that she actually has a job and is probably at it. He hears some of his neighbors muttering about home damages and what actions the police are going to take and what the situation might be.
Kristof: Alright people, come on. McGriddles are on Kristof this morning. I'm never up in time for McDonald's breakfast.
Man: They do it all day now buddy. And no can do. What if something happens to our property?
Kristof: Well hell that's bad news for my waistline. You see all those news vans? They're getting it all on camera so you'll be good if something happens to your Pinto. Come on.
A good portion of the group walks off with Kristof to the nearest Micky D's.
Pinto: Aren't you that guy who got his ass whipped? My son said something about that when we saw you on your porch the other day. You were devouring a box of twinkies...
Kristof: Hey! I had just gotten off a plane from Norway, I got held up at customs, and was having an all around bad day alright?
Pinto looks sideways and mumbles: No need to get defensive....
Kristof: Tell your boy to watch Friday Night Riot next week. I'll be teaming up with Dr. Manhattan and Mardi Gras against the champion and some other scrubs. How old is your boy?
Pinto: Who...?
The group arrives at the Golden Arches and all shuffle in. Kristof does a quick headcount and notes 10 people before walking up to the counter
Kristof: 15 Sausage McGriddles please.
Bathrobe Wearing Woman: I don't eat pork!
Kristof: 15 Sausage McGriddles and an Egg McMuffin please.
Skinny Dude: I'm vegan.
Kristof: Why the hell did you come along then? 15 Sausage McGriddles, an Egg McMuffin, and a coffee for Mr. Svenske (norwegian insult - Swede) over there.
Skinny Dude: That's uncalled for....
Pinto: Anybody else notice the number of McGriddles never went down...?
They all start the walk back to the police line, each with their sandwich in hand. The Skinny Dude is sipping at his hot coffee and Kristof is cheerily swinging his bag with 7 Sausage McGriddles while he walks. When they arrive, the police are leading a rather bruised man out from the house to a squad car while another officer begins taking down the yellow tape. A young woman with a news van notices Kristof and runs over to him with her cameraman right behind him.
Newslady: I didn't think anybody famous lived here. Can we get a few words with you Mr. Rastasson?
Kristof: Only if you buy me dinner.
Newslady: That's how you ask people out?!
Kristof: Okay fine, I'll buy. Sound good?
Newslady: I'll think about it.
She brings the microphone up to her mouth and turns to the camera.
Newslady: Now that the ordeal is over and the armed robber caught, we discovered a minor celebrity was one of the residents affected by the evacuation. Mr. Kristof Rastasson, wrestler for UWR is here with me to give his take on the event.
Kristof: Minor Celebrity? How about we go dutch on the dinner instead? Does Italian sound good?
Newslady: Wings sound better. Mr. Rastasson...What happened during this event?
Kristof: I dunno. I was woken up by that super chill cop over there and then he told me I needed to leave the area. So I did. And then I picked up some sandwiches for my neighbors who also had to leave their homes.
Newslady: I see, well perhaps we'll talk instead about your upcoming event?
Kristof: I'm cool with that.
Newslady: ....
Kristof: ....
Newslady: Well your partner 3rd Kind said that he wasn't going to watch your back. You'd have to take care of yourself. Is that the kind of partner you want to work with?
Kristof: It doesn't matter if I want to or not. Mr. Bossman Bishop said that I'd be teaming with Dr. Manhattan and so that's what's happening. I'm good with watching my back. I'm also going to watch his and Mardi Gras' back while we take it to the champ and his crew the only way I know how...Warrior style.
Newslady: And what about Buddy Love?
Kristof: Mardi Gras? Oh he's way cool. We should get a good dynamic going.
Newslady: Reno Mustang....
Kristof: Isn't important here. Now if you'll excuse me, I was rudely woken up from a rather glorious dream and these sandwiches are rustling around in this bag when they should be rustling around in my stomach. 7:00 good?
The newslady just smiles in a 'okay that just happened' way as Kristof marches off to his house.